A sign in a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea.”
Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?
I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.
How long is a minute, that depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.